I pull brown medication bottles out of white bags, remembering a time when they weren’t
needed. I want to revisit that time but ego informs me it can’t be done.
“Remember all the drugs you tried before you found the right combination to keep
the pain at bay?” ego asks loudly.
I hesitate to change remembering my low quality of life before taking Elmiron for
interstitial cystitis. I’m still juggling meds, to get the best results, with the
least side effects. The Pamelor, taken first, gave me almost unbearable headaches,
particularly when I was out in the sun, along with a propensity for sweets, and weight
gain. I soon switched to Sinequan but after a week had to stop because of disturbing
and horrific nightmares.
The more medications I take the worse I feel. After years of researching P450 interactions,
I know drugs can decrease, or increase, the effectiveness of others. It’s a never-ending
task to make sure drugs are effective. Many drugs decrease liver function and some
cause conditions that require more prescriptions. I’m consciously cutting dosages,
while repeating treatments for wholeness, but still swallow medications around the
Many drugs create intestinal disorders and I’m tired of dealing with them. Mealtimes
and food choices also interfere with medications. There are so many “rules” to follow
it’s a full-time job to remember them all. Some require an empty stomach, while others
must be taken with food. I’d love to eat or drink anything, without suffering, and
am tired of omitting certain foods. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to
drink a tall glass of grapefruit or orange juice. Sometimes, it’s easier to ignore
what I’ve learned.
Filled with anxiety, I calm myself down with thoughts of rebirth. This year I’ll
change my life for the better. As my spiritual studies progress, I will finally stop
judging and talking about others. I’ll learn the fine art of establishing joy, after
ridding my mind of the sorrow that’s consumed it like a fire-eating dragon. My body
will begin to heal itself, without the use of prescribed drugs, as I release the
Many books and spiritual classes helped to shape the beliefs I hold today. Walter
Starke’s book, It’s All God, profoundly affected me. Lightworker's Log :-) Transformation
holds a revised version of theLord’s Prayer (with a change of the word Higher to
Inner) found in It’s All Godon page 173. It is a prayer to use when seeking comfort
and guidance in the name of that which is our Inner Self, the God-spark within, "I
My Inner Self, which art Heaven consciousness, wholly be thy recognition. The kingdom
of my Inner Self come, Its guidance be done at the outer material level as well as
at the inner spiritual level. My Inner Self, fulfill for me all my daily needs, body,
mind, and Spirit. Release me when I have not listened to my Inner Self as I release
others who are not listening to theirs. Lead me not into the temptation of believing
my lower self is all; deliver me from the evil of believing I AM not already One.
For this realization of my Inner Self is Heaven, the only power, and the glory of
all being. And So It Is!
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing
for itself. They come through you but not from you. And although they are with you
yet they belong not to you.
“You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls. For their souls dwell in the house
of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
“You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes
not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer
sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that
His arrows may go swift and far.
“Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the
arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
When Daniel was about three-years old, I read a saying about children that I didn’t
understand. I recently read an old book and found the same words within it. I understand
what the words mean now. As noted in "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran: