The hiv nutrition business, so carefully nurtured in the past, now consists of weekly
email updates about the company’s Website. Other business obligations no longer matter.
I work wearing headphones, while singing softly to music, as sounds from the living
room television (TV) rumble throughout the house.
My free time is rearranged around visits to the Center. Wednesday evening’s small
group continues to satisfy, as I avoid Sunday services, which seem full of people
seeking relationships. Classes help a great deal to take my mind off the family that
appears more distant each day. I don’t miss the more time-consuming business related
work. It’s replaced with class work from Rev. Bump’s 102 SOM course. Understanding
how the Mind of Spirit operates, for creative purpose, is much more important.
Sylvia happily travels with me back and forth to the Center. The jovial Jamaican
seems to be my only friend. Our friendship grows as we share stories and revelations.
The relationship will soon remind me that nothing happens by chance.
World wake-up calls continue, as news of the West Virginia Sago Mine explosion hits
the newspapers, amid allegations of safety violations. Eleven men pass away, but
the youngest one survives, because the others share their oxygen with him. Many of
the men write comforting farewell notes for their families. Martin Toler Jr., wrote,
“Tell all I’ll see them on the other side. It wasn’t bad. I just went to sleep. I
love you Jr.”
Feeling melancholy, I lift a DVD of Daniel from its case, and leave the sanctity
of my room, to use the DVD player he gave us for Christmas years ago. I want to make
sure the DVD works so everyone can see Daniel at his best. The player refuses to
operate normally. It clicks repeatedly as I hear Daniel’s quiet voice in my head.
“They’ll ask to see it when they’re ready.”
The DVD player continues to click and refuses to open.
“Alright, fine,” I remark loudly to the air before walking back to my room. “Have
it your way.”
While using the bathroom later I notice the player is quiet and retrieve the DVD.
As I begin to piece this book together, the messages continue, making me wonder
if they are meant to go into the book along with the saga of my metamorphosis. Today
is March 1, 2009 and I’ve been told I’ll be moving, and will “live alone with friends.”
I’ve always received these kinds of messages in plenty of time to prepare, but since
my new lease is up in July, I’m a bit reactive.
“Get ready to move, for you will be moving on to a place of wonder and awe,” echoes
though my brain.
The answers come as usual when I ask questions. I’ll have all the help I need, and
will be oh, so ready to move on when it’s finally time to go, for things will change
greatly by then.
I’m told there will be great storms here in Florida but I will be protected. The
storms will feel like “ripples” to me, for I am consciously aware of the One. I am
not to concern myself with these storms, for they’re meant for those that are not
consciously aware of our true Being. It’s not the first time I’ve been warned about
dense storms in Florida. Yet, I wonder if these are weather related or just changes
I lie in bed not wanting to get up. It’s been another long night of ascension symptoms
where I wake repeatedly. I was unusually cold most of the night and felt atoms bouncing
off the walls of my body. It seemed like I had restless leg syndrome everywhere,
for I could not stay still. And then, the condition last experienced in Egypt during
2008, where I brought up gobs of green gook and had ‘ascension diarrhea’ arrived.
This time it was worse.
I stayed in bed almost all day, from Sunday through Tuesday. On Wednesday, I got
up only to pick up my grandson Samuel from high school, and stop at the store, before
returning to bed. Thursday brought the same tiredness with somewhat less distress.
Music remains a major part of my life. I turn on the living room stereo to fill
the house with Christian music, while James works miles away. The energy of the house
rises, prompting my soul to soar, as I continue blessing everything around me with
Love and Light.
Musical thought is the language of souls. As Michael Newton explains in Destiny
of Souls, unlimited musical sounds exist in the spirit world, where spiritual harmonics
are building blocks of energy creation, and soul unification. I’m grateful that the
souls of Daniel and I created a way to communicate, through music, in the physical
A message from Beliefnet inspires me, after creating an account with the Huffington
Post online. Thich Nhat Hanh notes mindfulness is the miracle by which we master
and restore ourselves, by calling back our dispersed mind, and restoring it to wholeness
so we can live each minute of life. Although I’m not quite sure what he means, I
am nonetheless ready to be restored to wholeness.
Weekly business Website search reports continue to reveal people looking for information
on nutrition and hiv/aids. Google Alerts on hiv nutrition greatly disappoint me,
for they rarely note subjects related to nutrition. They reinforce my old belief
that information on the importance of hiv nutrition is sorely needed. I no longer
feel compelled to devote myself to the cause, but spend countless hours praying and
The Universe again grabs my attention before the second week of the new year. Uncaught
bounce notifications, and failed email deliveries from the business Website, fill
personal email. I angrily delete them before reading the Beliefnet Buddhist Wisdom
for the day, attributed to His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
“Anger or hatred is like a fisherman’s hook. It is very important for us to ensure
that we are not caught by it.”
The synchronicity in my life is amazing. Another email features the value of loving
kindness. Annoyed over a Google Alert that has nothing to say about hiv nutrition,
I think again, and set my anger aside, still not recognizing it’s time to fully cut
the strings between my attention and the business I’ve so carefully nurtured.
It’s time to concentrate fully on a new life, and new way of being, but the habit
of sending weekly business news, about conferences and updated Website pages continues.
The Universe acknowledges my effort by blocking access to the latest message. AOL
and other subscribers report their email is hindered by spam blockers. Legitimate
email is discarded, while spammers’ unwanted junk email, using my companies Website
domain addresses, arrives unhindered.
Messages from the Universe get more concise, as bogus requests to subscribe “out4138”
to the business email list, from addresses using my business domain name, arrive.
Fed up, I finally email a notice of my intention to sell the business formed in 1995.
It seems reasonable to believe seven Website domains, newsletters, handouts, and
associated information will appear valuable, to someone other than me. Website statistics
show visitors in excess of seventy thousand people, from more than sixty countries,
Ego now prompts me to switch gears and follow email links to world news. Democracy
Now reports of Ariel Sharon’s major stroke, Jack Abramoff, and National Security
Agency (NSA) eavesdropping on U.S. citizens, without court warrants. Beliefnet messages
are much more appealing. I’m intrigued by the mysterious doors that will swing open,
when a new perception comes, that does not depend on structure.
Upon waking after an afternoon nap, I realize the CD player is playing a song faster
than usual. Let the children fills my ears before I realize someone is in the front
yard, very near my window. A quick peek, past the light yellow blind, reveals three
Spanish speaking men, standing around our beautiful and very bountiful four-foot
Key Lime tree.
The sound of a buzz saw insults my ears. I jump up from the futon, in a rage realizing
they are from the State of Florida, and run past the dining room table, which holds
several notices noting diseased fruit trees in the area. As I approach the men, it’s
clear they’ve finished cutting down our healthy beloved tree.
They talk to one another in Spanish, shaking their heads, as I yell at them, waving
my arms about like a crazed woman. It’s unthinkable that such a thing would be done
without permission. I’m beside myself as I order them off the property. I’m unaware
that outer experience is a direct reflection of consciousness. Local TV news the
next day reports on the State of Florida’s program to cut down personal fruit trees.
It’s now considered unconstitutional and has ended.
Suffering may be useful for it leads us to the realization that it’s unnecessary.
Still angry over the loss of our beautiful tree, I begin to read. Robert Monroe reports
in Far Journeys that it’s very important to move toward a unified whole. The week’s
SOM study notes evolution depends on our ability to sense a unity with Nature. The
tread of armies will cease, when the knowledge of this unity comes, and brotherly
love is felt by all. We learn to truly appreciate the positive by experiencing the
duality of nature.
On the eighth day of 2006, I hear the words that change my life forever, as I lay
in the twilight of waking from sleep.
My pre-birth vision into this life was designed to teach. To teach, I must learn.
To learn, I had to suffer. I am now done with suffering. It is time now to teach
here, in this life, on this plane.
My bladder burns as I ponder decades of illness and wonder if Holmes is right. Does
disease really mean lack of ease (dis-ease), an unconscious experience operating
through people? Holmes reports most physical conditions are caused by inner conflict,
opposing desires that mentally conflict, and produce lack of ease. I wonder if it’s
true that only the mind needs healing. Is it truly possible to look past the illusion
of sickness? Can I change my mind, about deciding to die, because the list of body
conditions now covers more than half an 8.5 x 11 inch page?
It’s time to more consciously create an enhanced life experience, by redirecting
thoughts using Spiritual Mind Prayer Treatment. No longer begging during prayer time,
I turn to the power within, that lifts thoughts to union with Creation.
I’m learning we exist in a temporally induced Mind experiment, and Truth is the
absence of illusion. Thoughts will control us unless we control our thoughts. Since
thought is constantly changing, forever taking on new ways of expression, it’s possible
to change one’s circumstances just by changing thoughts. Holmes tells us, as long
as we understand the mental cause of dis-ease and remove that mental attitude, we
can heal it with the Truth. Consciously, and continually, encouraging thoughts and
desires, in harmony with ones true nature, always results in good.
Sometimes I get messages for others but am not sure when to communicate them. Two
messages came today on March 5, 2009. One message is for me. The other communication
is for my good friend, Michael the acupuncturist, who I continue to see periodically,
for Ba Gua Fa treatments.
Michael’s wife of many years was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She’s had
the surgery, and some radiation treatment, but they’re refusing chemotherapy, opting
instead to continue less invasive methods that build, instead of destroy, the immune
system. I know it’s a trial for both of them, and other than offer a book by Louise
Hay, keep thoughts to myself. The messages came upon waking, before I opened my eyes.
“There are always circumstances that seem beyond our control that pause us. We must
define these circumstances in terms of living, in terms of how we wish to live. These
circumstances are easily changed as we concentrate on the higher aspects of our being.”
At this point, I realize this is a message I’m to give to Michael. I reach for my
small tape recorder on the nightstand. The message continues.
“There are always circumstances that seem beyond our control in this illusion. These
circumstances are not necessarily what they seem. There are ways to rid ourselves
of these circumstances, and we must follow the tried, and true, method to do so.
This method is the way we come back to the One, realizing that there is no limitation.
That all are One, that we have never left, and shall always remain, in the bosom
of the Lord. These friendly reminders help us to believe what is true.
“There are other ways to clear the emotions of dis-ease. These ways help us in becoming
more alive with Source. These ways are the tried and true methods of the Masters.
These emotional beliefs are not real. They don’t fit into the mold. They are not
a part of our natural self, for emotion is in itself human, and we are not human.
To let bygones be bygones is a source of truth. Follow the path of wisdom to the
Master within. That is the truth of the nature of our being. That is the truth of
the nature of All.
“Relinquish the past, forget the future. Live in the Now, knowing the Now moment
is the only true moment. This will carry you through. This will secure you in the
life you wish to live.”
After a short pause, I hear more words in my mind, and realize they are for me.
“The Being known as Truth is One. There can be no other. Stand clear of the chaos
around you, turn to God. The God within will comfort and restore. There is none other.
The truth has no value in this world, for it is unknown to the past, and the future.
These words are spoken through you, and not of, you.”
I am grateful beyond words for the One that speaks both to, and through, me.
I’m betting no dis-ease is incurable and console myself knowing there will be a
time when pain ceases. No one will be unhappy. Holmes says the time will arrive in
such a degree as we allow. It’s vital to convince our consciousness that happiness
was, and is always there.
I’m eager to tap more completely into the Universal Mind, into which we think. It’s
imperative to not get caught up in the negative stream of consciousness. Although
it looks like a challenge, I’m ready and willing to look away from the conditions
that plague me. It’s time to fully concentrate on a different mode of thinking, and
belief, knowing that mental treatment will change my life, for the better. Suffering
lessens, as I begin to comply with the Laws of the Universe.
The following morning, I’m dreaming of doing something that my sister Ruth is not.
It's a progression fills my brain at 5:54 am. I rise reluctantly to repeat several
treatments and study. Nearly three hours later, I fall back asleep and nap until
I strongly believe we write based on the knowledge we hold at the time, and that
knowledge constantly changes. In my opinion, changing the future may be possible,
by just changing the reality we live in. I’m fairly sure we live in more than one
reality, with a wide variety of experiences, and outcomes.
In his groundbreaking book Conscious Dreaming, Robert Moss notes, we become more
conscious in life, when we become more conscious in dreams. Conscious dreaming allows
us to change our personality, by first addressing dream situations. Once we realize
we’re dreaming, we can do anything, knowing we can change our thoughts and emotions.
Unexplained tiredness overwhelms me. I nap again hours later, but rise with thoughts
I prefer not to recall, before quickly falling back asleep. Minutes later, the same
thoughts about Ruth are promptly forgotten. I then recall other words for, or about
Terry, and quickly write them down. You cannot embody those things which you do not
More words fill my brain at dawn.
It’s time to awake to a brand-new day.
Daylight is filled with prayer and spiritual studies. The Sisters in Spirit dinner
hosted by Rev. Heidi Peck, later in the evening, opens new avenues to network and
meet women of like mind. Rev. Elle Bratland discusses changing life for good, through
self-awareness, using positive self-talk, affirmations, visualization, forgiveness,
and release. It’s the first time I’ve heard we can “change the script” in which we
While checking email later, I learn an international photography organization selected
my photo of the yard after Hurricane Wilma, as a semi-finalist in their contest.
I’m soon outraged, after reading an online article in the Sun-Sentinel, which notes
fraudulent methods of making money. It appears this company profits from the use
of people’s submissions, by preying on their vanity, selling them products related
to their photos.
Compelled to share my “Florida Wilma” photo, because it displays so much more than
the contrast of devastation and hope, I’m dismayed to learn the submission is not
taken seriously. The memory of that day stands clearly in my mind. It’s when I fully
agreed to let Daniel go.
His essence stayed with Rebecca, Samuel, and I throughout the ravages of Hurricane
Wilma, continually comforting me. Although few shutters were on the house, and we
noted several vortex-like circles on the ground after the storm, only a few trees
fell, all away from the house. I took the photo while feeling Daniel's presence,
and was thrilled to see the loving magenta-colored orbs in the sky. Overwhelming
love, and gratefulness, surrounded me, as Daniel’s words filled my brain.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay without me Mom?”
Although I occasionally long for his presence, I’ve never regretted my reply.
“Yes,” I told him with a full heart. “Yes, I’m sure honey. You go on and finish